Friday, September 23, 2011

Important Eschatological questions in American society:By MYSTR Treefrog

Important Eschatological questions in American society:
Who or what is this God thing who keeps spoiling the waxjob on my El Camino.
Is God using humans for target practice?
Was Dick Cheney actually the avatar of Jehovah?
Does Evolution mean humans are better than dogs at sniffing out Perps?
Does Evolution mean people should actually understand what Algebra and Trigonometry is used for?
Why does my mother cook better than any of my wives?
If Meat Is Murder are Peanuts manslaughter?
Does celery count as food? And if so, where?
If ancient Judeo-Christian law commands us that eating Pork is forbidden-does that mean Baseball is UN-Kosher and football is worse?
Is Kosher a term to use when discussing bikinis on Easter break?
Why are ugly men the best guitar players?
Why does Chas Bono think he looks any better as a man?
Does Aural sex mean a blowjob by a trombone played by angels?
Why does ANYTHING taste perfect with extra crunchy peanut butter?
Is saying God Dang taking the Lord Dang in vain?
Do I have to see young white males imitating young black males who forgot to tuck in their boxer shorts? Could this be the very essence of DE-Evolution?
Why do I have an impulse to claw out my own eyes when I witness the above?
If the Catholics have the Holy See- does the Vatican have a see-saw?
Are Episcopalians eternally pissed at God?
Are Presbyterians aligned with the dry-cleaning industry?
If there is no heaven or hell how do you explain Maui and Jersey City?
Are all travel agents in league with Satan?
Why are we encouraged to question authority when we know damned well that we will get our heads blown off?
Will God give me a trophy for just showing up on the Sabbath?
Is the Devil the patron saint of fire ants and poison ivy?
If Round-up can kill weeds growing out of sidewalks, why can't they invent something for my nostril hair?
Why do tomatoes, no matter how fresh, stink by noon in my bag lunch?
Why did God give me feet if God knew they would smell like this? (There are other examples-but this the only one that can be discussed in print.)
Is pre-marital sex dirty if we’ve showered beforehand?
If abstinence works for stemming the tide of wanton procreation,why wasn't Brisol Palin a wet dream?
Why must Mystery Meat remain a Mystery?
Are flashers simply psychopathic sous chefs trying to correct the above ?
If we are given technology by way of God-whose bright idea was leaf-blowers?
Why do we bother to rake leaves when we know it will be Fall every year?
If stupidity isn't contagious then how do you explain the Tea Party?
Why do we tie our shoes if we know we’ll only take them off before bed? Wouldn’t keeping them on save time?
Why do we wipe our butts if we’re only going to poop again shortly?
Wouldn’t holding our breath save air, reduce pollution and promote early retirement without Federal Entitlements?
If God- by way of human technological genius- can invent more than one can-opener; 400 cable T.V. channels , Television of multiple brands, types, and sizes; 30 varieties of apples: choice CUTS of beef, A hundred Friggin’ types of stiletto heels -Then WHY are we still stuck with only Republicans and Democrats to vote for?
Is anything-including the concept of GOD or my opinion -even approaching original?
And finally-
In the name of God:
What the HELL is Country AND Western?

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